Neglecting Your Child

It seems every Monday, my wifi just fails me! I can never post on time or even post what we are going to discuss on the show. So again I am so sorry dear readers, this has been posted late again! I hope you go to listen to us though at 1250 on ZiFM.  Even send in Whatsapp messages during the show to share your thoughts.

The role of a parent is so hard because you always have to watch your actions. Your child may interpret your actions in a different way, and thus react in a way that you didn't expect.  So many people assume when we talk about neglect, we are referring to physically leaving your child. What we may think is not neglect, may be what children see as neglect, and they may react in different ways. 

Neglect can be felt by a child when:
- The family grows (a new sibling is born)
- A stay at home parent starts working
- A single parent starts dating/gets married
-  Generally any changes that could take away your attention from your child 

Looking at these events, they aren't out of the ordinary things that a parent can be said to be neglectful, but guess what, our kids see it differently, and each child reacts differently. Some children adjust to change very well, and some do not.  Here are some ways a child can react to change in attention from a child:

- They could become very antisocial and keep to themselves
- They could rebel at school or at home
- They could become violent
- They could start bullying others
- They could turn to the wrong groups of people for attention
- They could regress in their development

Naturally when a child becomes rebellious, we all just assume that the child is being a child, and we ignore it. But sometimes there is a deeper reason to the action, and it is important to be attentive to our children. I think this topic is really important because the effects of neglect filter into adulthood, and that is when we see children failing to trust in a relationship, failing to relate to others, always trying to be centre of attention or just being bullies. Even as adults we long for attention, so can you imagine how a child feels when their parent doesn't have that time for them anymore??? 

I would advise parents to talk to their children alot more and know their child's level of sensitivity. When time with your child is taken away by work, social life, a partner or another child, make sure you walk them through it. Like I said, some adjust fine, and others need their hand held and walked through the change

THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IS THAT OF A CHILD AND THEIR PARENTS.  No other relationship on earth matters. If that relationship is not managed well, then nothing in the child's life will go well to be honest. When we watch movies or meet up with people and hear their stories, the main issue always revolves around their relationship with both parents or a parent. So the more time you spend with your child, the better they will be when they are older, don't you think?? 

Hopefully I will post next week straight after the show, fingers crossed

I hope you have a great week 

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Preparing Yourself and Your Child For Exams

It is exam time! This is the time where you see parents taking away privileges from their children to motivate them to study, or promising them treats and trips once the results come out if they pass. I have heard the craziest requests and promises and I just laugh. Being a parent makes you try anything and everything to get your child to do something. You just have to laugh!

So I am feeling the stress even though my child is still in primary. Im feeling pressure to make sure she remembers everything and I fear I am going to put pressure on her to read whenever she has free time! This is the problem with us perfectionist moms, we just want the best and thus push these poor children to be the best. With this show, I am also learning and also catching myself when I realise I am pushing my child for my own selfish needs and not embracing her for who she is and accepting her abilities.

What we all want is for our children to do the best they can and to be the best in their own abilities. Exams however make most of us panic and lose our minds and want to push our children. We forget our child's strengths and weaknesses and now expect them to just excel in it all...being a child at this time of the year is not fun I am sure...lol

So here are some points that I think could help; some of the points may be late for this year, but you can apply them next year:

1. Be calm as the parent. If you panic, your child will panic.

2. Understand your child's style of learning. I have a photographic memory, my sister has a logical way of learning, she has to understand processes and methods to understand. I have a friend who reads two days before an exam, otherwise she forgets if she reads any earlier. Others require pictures or practical examples to remember a concept. These are a few ways of how people learn, therefore to be effective, you need to know how your child learns and remembers.

3. Create a regular routine for your child to revise their work throughout the year. It all depends with your child's strengths and needs, but the idea is for your child to get used to a routine of revision, and this will reduce the pressure during  exam time to cram.

4. Do not make your child cram! It has no long term benefit

4. Try and include some of what they learn in their every day activities. For example, if they are learning about money, when you go to the store, you can make your child work out how much is needed and how much change they should expect. In the car you can have your child create a story with what she sees in the car or outside, this will stimulate their creative mind. You could also make them tell their siblings a bed time story that they create. Role play some of the subjects like history, or environmental science. Some subjects are practical and you can make your child remember by doing some practical work.

5. Do not revise the morning of the exam. Your child will just panic if they do not know the answer. Some children like to be tested the morning of the exam, and others cannot. Again it all depends on the child.

6. Rewarding for success can motivate or give the child a false idea of success. Your child may pass to just receive the reward, but will not have learnt anything. Push your child to understand the subject more than to win the reward.

It is never to early to get your child ready for exams. Exams in primary school may not be as serious, but making your children prepare for exams seriously, will prepare them for high school. ROUTINE!! ROUTINE!! ROUTINE!! It is important! I have to emphasise it again


I hope some of these points help. Make learning at home fun!

Wishing you all the best for you and your children this exam time!!

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

In This Day And Age Of Technology, Should A Parent Be A Child's Friend Or Discipinarian?

I believe being a parent in the 80s was so much easier than being a parent now. If you needed to communicate, it was via a landline or writing a letter.  ZTV would start at 330, and the shows were Sesame Street and Rainbow and Paddington Bear... I miss those shows actually. As a child, access to information was very limited. 

Being a parent of the 21st century is so hard. The TV shows, access to the internet, cellphones, emails, video games, there is just too much information available to our children 24 hours a day. No matter where you take your child, they are exposed to something. It could be the song  being played in a supermarket, or a music video being played in a store, or a video being played on someone's cellphone, or the activities at a birthday party.  No matter how much you try to protect your child at home, they will still be exposed to the world and its madness.

So what do you do? Do you allow your child to be exposed to it all and keep the relationship open, or do you protect them at all costs?

As we spoke about it on the show, I found myself struggling to answer the question. Do I walk with my child through all the madness of the world and let her explore and pray that she is open with me with everything she sees and hears? Or do I just protect her from everything and scare her if she explores the internet?

I think the following:

• You need a balance, you allow a child to explore, but be open with them and guide them. 
• You also have to be flexible to change. There are some things that I believe a parent needs to be strict and some situations where a parent needs to be flexible.  Parenting is always involving
• If you do not guide your child, someone else will. If you lie to your child, they will trust someone else to tell them.
• You need to set boundaries for your child to know what they can/cannot do. These boundaries help guide your child when they are away from you. Hopefully your child will know not to watch adut movies or sit and search certain sites on the internet. 

It is tough to control and protect what our children are exposed to, but it is important to be aware and alert as to what our children at all times. We just need to be on our toes all the time, and be our child's friend and protector.

It is tough being a parent of the 21st century, really tough.

I hope you all have  a great week!

Till Next Monday,

Stay Blessed!

#beingaparent

When Is The Right Age For Your Child To Start Dating?

If anything, this topic was the most hilarious for me, due to the reactions of so many mothers. They got emotional and started panicking at the thought, some nearly cried! hahahah..Is it because you started early or you KNOW what you did back then???? mmmmmm

Due to my years with the magazine, I have now learnt that parenting style are different for everyone and I respect that; what works for me, does not work for the next person. That is why I posed to the question to be more personal; what is it for YOUR child.

The nice thing about our show is that we can discuss views from being a parent of girls and being a parent of boys. It was interesting to see Patience get so emotional about her son introducing girls to her, or going for ice-cream with a girl! I thought only mothers of girls have such reactions. Clearly not!

When I thought about it, I considered some of these questions to be important when one makes their decision:

1. How mature is your child to understand the concept of dating?
2. How open are you with your child?
3. Do you know your child's friends? Are they 'forward'?
4. Would you start talking about boys before they are 13 or when they turn 13?
5. Would you want to meet your child's friends of the opposite sex?
6. Would you want to meet each and every girlfriend?
7. Would you allow your child to have their girlfriend/boyfriend over at your house?
8. Would you supervise dates?
9. What age would you talk about contraceptives and sex?
10. Is your fear  because you do not trust your child? What is the cause of your fear? 
11. Are you able to 'stomach' the openness of your relationship with your child? Do you really want to know EVERYTHING?


Those are the questions I thought of when I thought of my kids. I definitely do worry, but my fear is because I am not that street wise, so I cannot equip my children with all the possible scenarios that she could encounter when she starts dating, so it is fear of the unknown. Now with technology, I could miss ALOT in my child's life, but I hope she will be comfortable enough to talk to me about anything, and I hope I will be strong enough to sit and listen.  I know that I would struggle with #11, I thought of switching confidante roles with my sisters and friends, but I would still be as crazy in my reactions with their children. So I wish my kids good luck (lol)

Some of the answers we got were:
- NEVER (lol)
- When the child is 30
- When the child can pay his rent and look after his girlfriend should she fall pregnant
- When the child is 25

Well clearly the age is not anyone under 25, which is unrealistic (lol), so to our dear listeners and readers who are in denial, brace yourselves, your children are going to date much earlier than that age....so get your seat belts on and prepare for the ride!!

I would just like to know how our parents were so calm when we grew up? How did they not fret???


What a journey being a parent is in this world of technology!!

Till next Monday


Stay Blessed

#beingaparent

To Spank or Not To Spank

This is such a tricky subject, you never want to come out like you are advocating that children should be hit.  I use the word 'spank' because of the type of discipline we were discussing. Something like a light smack on the bum is what I mean.

It was an interesting discussion with Patience, because we shared how we were raised, and back then if you were naughty, you were spanked. In the end, you didn't need to be spanked, you just KNEW that you would get in trouble if you did anything naughty, and you could even sense your parent's eyes on you, even from far away, even if you were in another town and they were home!...hahaha. The power of that eye..lol. Its as if our parents were born with the same philosophy because our stories were so similar!

But nowadays, there are parents who go the other extreme and physically abuse the children, that's not right. I do not see any lesson a child would learn from that trauma. Patience shared how she spanks her child, but she tells him why she is doing it so that he knows the reason and knows not to do it again. I think that makes more sense, but that is if we are speaking of the same kind of spank.  

I posed the question to our listeners if they were spanked as kids and if it helped them become the person they are, and if they spank their kids. Many of our listeners said yes to all three of those questions. As Zimbabweans, I guess most of us saw the benefit and it shaped us. Many quote Proverbs 13:24 'Whoever spares the rod hates their children,but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them', reason being we are generally a Christian nation, and that is what our parents followed. But times have definitely changed...

I remember if you were naughty, no matter where you were, if an adult told you to stop, you would stop. It didn't matter if you knew them, if they were just walking passed, what they said made was as powerful as if it were your parent who said it. There was that respect for elders. But now, we just have this mentality that if it is not my child, it is not my place to say anything. Why is that? You also have parents who would shout at you if you even tried to tell their child off. Why are we so protective and defensive? Why do we feel we need to protect our children so much? Does it help shape their character? Does it help them learn to defend themselves? Does it not make them feel untouchable and invincible? I do worry...what is so different about this generation versus how we were raised? Were our parents wrong in how they discipline us? Were they wrong to not defend us? Are we wrong to step in when someone's child is in the wrong?

Just something to think about. 

Personally, I spank my kids, but very rarely, because they know now to ask for things, to be respectful and they know we discuss when they are wrong, and they know not to do it again. But that only happened because I set boundaries from the start. 

Parenting styles are different and ways of disciplining are different. The important thing is to NOT BE ABUSIVE I BEG OF YOU!! If you see a child being abused, please report them to CHILDLINE (DIAL 116) immediately.

Sensitive subject, but it was still interesting to share and hear what other parents think of the subject

It is a tough job being a parent for sure. We all just hope our efforts are raising good children
.

My sincere apologies for the really late post...life happened and technology did its thing....sigh

Till next Monday

Stay Blessed

#beingaparent

What foods may be bad for your mouth?

How many of us parents live on the 'Do as I say, not as I do' statement? I am sure there are a number of us for certain rules we set for our kids.  I think it defines us as the parent and not the child when it comes to certain things, like I can sleep late but my children need to sleep early. That example makes sens,but not when it's things like junk food, chocolate, fizzy drinks etc...now we are just being naughty...hahahah

Food is definitely where we use that alot! And this time I have decided to show YOU the parent, what certain foods do to YOUR teeth. By doing this, you will be more cautious of what YOU eat, and thus what you give your children...this sounds quite simple but clever to me!! hahah

It is so important to know what you are eating, benefits of that type of food, and the effects on our teeth. I think we all need a dental pack in our handbags like you carry make up, because you just need to keep brushing!

Anyway here is a summary of what I found...enjoy and I hope you learn something:

What foods may be bad for your mouth?

 

• Carbohydrates: Chips, bread, pasta, or crackers can be as harmful to the teeth as candy.
• Sticky, chewy foods: Raisins, granola bars, jelly beans, caramel, honey and syrup stick to teeth and make it difficult to wash the sugar away.
• Sugary snacks: Cookies, cakes or other desserts contain a high amount of sugar, which can cause tooth decay.
• Gum and candy: When chewing gum and eating candy, the sugar coats teeth, which can lead to cavities.
• Carbonated soft drinks: Regular and diet sodas contain phosphorous and carbonation, which wears away the enamel on teeth.
• Fruit or vegetable juices: These beverages tend to be high in sugar, which can damage tooth enamel and lead to decay.

Choose foods from the five major food groups: fruits, vegetables, breads and cereals, milk and dairy products and meat, chicken, fish or beans. Avoid fad diets that limit or eliminate entire food groups, which usually result in vitamin or mineral deficiencies.

 

Always keep your mouth moist by drinking lots of water. Saliva protects both hard and soft oral tissues. If you have a dry mouth, supplement your diet with sugarless candy or gum to stimulate saliva.

 

Foods that cling to your teeth promote tooth decay. So when you snack, avoid soft, sweet, sticky foods such as cakes, candy and dried fruits. Instead, choose dentally healthy foods such as nuts, raw vegetables, plain yogurt, cheese and sugarless gum or candy.

 

When you eat fermentable carbohydrates, such as crackers, cookies and chips, eat them as part of your meal, instead of by themselves. Combinations of foods neutralize acids in the mouth and inhibit tooth decay. For example, enjoy cheese with your crackers. Your snack will be just as satisfying and better for your dental health. One caution: malnutrition (bad nutrition) can result from too much nourishment as easily as too little. Each time you eat, you create an environment for oral bacteria to develop. Additionally, studies are showing that dental disease is just as related to overeating as heart disease, obesity, diabetes and hypertension. So making a habit of eating too much of just about anything, too frequently, should be avoided.

Here are just some of the minerals and nutrients your body needs to stay healthy:

• Calcium. Your teeth and jaws are made mostly of calcium. Without enough calcium in your diet, you risk developing gum disease and tooth decay. Calcium is found in many foods and liquids, such as milk, yogurt, cheese, beans, and oysters.
• Iron. Iron deficiency can cause your tongue to become inflamed, and sores can form inside your mouth. Iron is found in many foods, including liver and red meat. Other iron-rich foods include bran cereals, some nuts, and spices.
• Vitamin B3 (niacin). A lack of vitamin B3 can cause bad breath and canker sores in the mouth. To boost your B3 levels, eat chicken and fish.
• Vitamins B12 and B2 (riboflavin). You also can develop mouth sores when you do not consume enough of the vitamins B12 and B2. Red meat, chicken, liver, pork, fish, as well as dairy products like milk, yogurt, and cheese, are good sources of vitamin B12. Vitamin B2 is found in foods like pasta, bagels, spinach, and almonds.
• Vitamin C. Too little vitamin C will lead to bleeding gums and loose teeth. Sweet potatoes, raw red peppers, and oranges are great sources of vitamin C.
• Vitamin D. It is very important to consume enough vitamin D because it helps your body  absorb calcium. A diet lacking or low in vitamin D will cause burning mouth syndrome. Symptoms of this condition include a burning mouth sensation, a metallic or bitter taste in the mouth, and dry mouth. Drink milk, and eat egg yolks and fish to increase your vitamin D intake

(source: knowyourteeth.com)

'An apple a day keeps the doctor away', right? How?  Here is what I found:

How Is An Apple Good For Your Teeth?

An apple helps both your teeth and your all-around oral hygiene. Think of it as a natural toothbrush. The fruit, that’s rich in fleshy fiber, helps scrub your teeth, gums, and tongue. The skin of the apple especially, which is extremely high in fiber, can scrub against your teeth and help remove stains and fight plaque.

Furthermore, Apples are great for getting rid of bad breath. That natural fiber helps remove the traces of plaque and residue that harbor in the back of your tongue and throat that create the bad breath. The acidity of the apple helps kill any bad bacteria that may cause the bad breath as well.

How Is An Apple Bad For Your Teeth

How is an Apple Bad for Your Teeth?

The Toronto Star claims from a study published by UK’s Journal of Dentistry, that an apple’s acidic structure can be harmful to your teeth. This is true; foods high in acidity can damage the dentine in your mouth. Dentine is the layer of tooth just under the enamel. The acidity of an apple can eat away at your dentine and damage your teeth.

As well, apples have high sugar content, and we all know how bad sugar can be for your teeth. Furthermore, apple juice, along with most fruit juices, is highly acidic as well and can be harmful to that dentine.

Don’t Stop Eating Apples!

However, though apples can hurt your teeth, their benefits greatly outweigh the risk. Not only can apples help our teeth, they can help regulate our blood sugar, are low in calories and are a great source of dietary fiber. The negative effects of apples are easily preventable and mostly depend on your apple eating habits. If you want the good benefits of apples without the negative impact, follow these steps:

1. Eat your apple in a single sitting. Don’t graze an apple. The longer the acidic elements are in your mouth, the more harm they can do.

2. Eat apples with other snacks. Munching on a piece of cheese, milk, or some bread can help neutralize the apple’s acidity. Especially if its a food high in calcium.

3. When finished with an apple, swish your mouth with water. This will help release and flush away the acidic elements that are hiding between your teeth.

4. Wait about 30 minutes before brushing your teeth after eating an apple. If you brush too soon after, the sugars from the apple will scrub off your enamel. Use water to flush as much out before brushing.

(source: watertowerdentalcare.com)

http://www.watertowerdentalcare.com/blog/food-for-thought/are-apples-good-or-bad-for-your-teeth/

http://www.knowyourteeth.com/infobites/abc/article/?abc=w&iid=315&aid=3805

I hope you have learnt something new and can apply it to your kids

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

#beingaparent

Exploitation of Children

This last week has been so emotionally draining and confusing. A voice note of an interview done of a 9 year old sex worker was heard by so many people in Zimbabwe and other nations. It was tough to hear and also scary to believe. Within a few days our government intervened, the Minister of Parliament for that constituency intervened, Zimbabweans came together and voiced their disgust over the issue. People offered to donate money, others even donated. At a time where things in Zimbabwe are tough, worldwide there is just turmoil, people came together and tried to help. It was so nice to see and hear how people cared.

Unfortunately, the whole story took a turn and apparently it turned out to be an exploitative situation. I am not too sure how far true that is, I will leave that to the media experts and the public at large. Either way it shouldnt take away the merit of the issue.

So here are my views on this whole thing, strictly focussing on children:
1.  The organisation that highlighted the issue managed to raise awareness on what is actually happening. It definitely is an issue, so there was no wrong there.

• The men that are sleeping with young girls,  what they are doing to these girls psychologically, is so disturbing. These actions will have long term effects on the children.
• Exploitation of children based on the children's financial needs is criminal. To take advantage of young children because they need money or shelter or food is not right. 
• These children are going to need alot of counselling, and it may take years or months, but the important thing is to make sure that we know that the children will need some help to get through this, past this and over this. 
• Getting back into society to try and be 'normal' again, may take a while, but once they are protected and counseled, it is the start of their new journey. It will definitely be hard for them, but it can be done.

2. The WAY the organisation created awareness was inappropriate, they did not protect the  child.

• Children are innocent human beings that need our protection. In their innocence, they trust us adults to protect them and guide them. 
• An abused child should be protected not exposed to the media. It is important to highlight the issue, but to interview the child, I do not believe is in the best interest of the child. The focus now was on finding this little girl and saving her, what if the attention could have put her in harm's way?

People were concerned, donated and tried to help, and now trust has been lost as to where to give money or if to give at all. It has just made so many lose trust in organisations that are in our country claiming they want to help those in need.  I had people reach out to say they want to help, and my plan was to work with an organisation helping the children already.

For the girls that are in the situation, we need to help in practical ways with either the Ministry of Public Service, Labor and Social Welfare (which I would like to commend for what they did, and how they helped) or trusted organisations that work with the ministry to donate clothes, books, bedding, food even. Such donations do make a difference and I think that is what we can do as individuals.  

I hope we will know soon how we can help and where people can send their contributions to.  If I get any updates I will keep everyone posted. 

But thank you again to all who reached into their pockets and resources to try and help. It is not easy with how our own money is never enough, but we managed to think of someone who needed that money more. May you all be blessed for showing so much love.


We need to remember, children are a gift from God. They are meant to be protected, loved, educated and given opportunities to be great in their lives.  They are not a tool for our own selfish needs.

Let us help where we can, how we can and know that it takes a village to raise a child. Let us not turn a blind eye when a child needs help. Just because it is not your child, doesn't mean you shouldn't help.


Till next Monday

 
 Stay blessed

#beingaparent