As A Step Dad, What Role Would You Want To Play In Your Step Child's Life?

We always seem to forget that men have a say too in our child's upbringing, especially when it comes to blended families. It is now more common to see men marrying women who already have children from a previous marriage. Most times the father of the children is not involved, so the dynamics are easier; decisions are made by the mom and step dad. But what happens when the father is involved? How are decisions made? Should the two men know each other? Should the mother be the person who speaks on their behalf? 

I know of someone who deals directly with the father of her children, and the two of them make the decisions. It has its own challenges, but it seems to work for them

I know someone else who says the two fathers choose to deal with each other especially when it comes to the finances. There seems to be less friction for them there because the mother of the child is not involved and the discussion is very specific, its about the money. Visitation and access is stipulated and everyone knows their place

Another scenario is where all three parties meet and work together in terms of making decisions for the child. Now this one I noticed worked because each person put their feelings aside and said this is about the child, and for the benefit of the child, nothing else. 

What we deal with in these situations is one, two or more of the following issues:

- Anger toward the end of a relationship

- Control: both men want to feel their position is known and appreciated

- Respect: both men want to be respected due to their role in the child's life

These feelings should be considered when you date someone who has their own children

- Do I want to be involved in the decision making?

- Can I afford to contribute or pay the full amount for fees?

- Can I handle dealing with another man and his demands on his child?

- Can I handle my wife speaking directly with her ex husband/partner?

There is no perfect way for everyone, each family has its own dynamics and what works for one family may not work for another, and what works initially may become complicated later, and the approach changes

It is definitely not an easy situation when you love someone but they have their 'situation'. But nothing is impossible when there is COMMUNICATION, LOVE AND RESPECT

At the end of the day, what is important is to do what is best for the child. Put that first, and it will work out fine 

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent