Stranger Danger. Child Abduction Awareness

It has been a scary two weeks in Harare, with reports coming in from schools that some adults are reportedly trying to lure students into their cars on school premises. The one boy alerted a staff member when a stranger came and told him that he was sent by the boy's mother to pick him up. Brownie points to the boy's mother for teaching him to not get into a stranger's car!!! This made me think, would my own children do the same or would they get into the car? The fact that I am not sure of what they would, scares me. It could have been my child on another day.

Is it the responsibility of the school or the parents or both?

I believe both the school and parents must teach the kids. It is important that the message is made clear to the children both at home and at school. I understand some schools have classes on safety which helps a lot, and complements what the parents teach their children.

How do we teach our children though about safety? I know I wrote 'Stranger Danger' as the title, but is it always a stranger that comes after our children?

I once had to pick up my friends daughter, and she said 'she will only go with you if you tell her the password', of which my friend told me what it was. She said her daughter tends to forget, and also is too trusting, so she wanted to see her reaction if someone she was familiar with was sent to pick her up.  Without even hesitating, her daughter jumped into my car once I told her I was sent, she didn't even ask for the password. It is not always someone your child doesn't know, it can be someone your child is comfortable around, and thus they won't have their guard up.  So always apply the rule even to your family members and friends

Here are some points that you can use when teaching your child:

1. Noone is exempt except mom and dad and immediate family. The rules must apply to all your friends and family.
• It seems harsh but it enforces the rule in your child's head that they must ask before they get into anyone's car. Try keep the list of permitted people short, it is less confusing for the child. 
2. Tell your child to ask the person who has come to pick them up, to call you so that you can confirm that you sent them. Make sure you speak to your child
3. If you use a driver, get their details and make sure they do not send someone else to fetch your child. If they do, they must inform you and your child must do the same as on point #2
4. Tell your child to report to the school or to the teacher immediately if someone they did not know came to pick them up
5. Tell your child to wait for you within the school grounds, and to wait with others, not alone.
6. Teach your child to never accept gifts from a stranger 
7. Tell your child to not stop and give directions to a stranger
8. They must always move around with someone and also let you know of their movements 

These points don't just apply at school but everywhere

Our children look to us for guidance, do not leave the responsibility to someone else.

Teach your kids to be safe. We are living in scary, dangerous times. 

Till Next Monday,

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Should Boys Play With Dolls And Girls Play With Trucks?

The world is changing, and we are seeing a lot of things being considered to be normal or accepted, which were not before. Is it a bad thing that the world is evolving? Who says this way is normal? Who determines normal? I know a parent who lets her son play with tea sets and dolls, she says he must not see the difference in toys, he must play with all types of toys. I know another mother who refuses to buy her daughter tea sets and kitchen sets, she says it stereotypes the roll of a woman. So she buys her child the same toys as the toys she buys for her sons. Are they wrong to do that? 

The show was pretty interesting on Monday, Amard and Tich (my co-presenters) were on the definite 'NO'. They said boys should play with trucks and girls should play with dolls, BUT girls can also play with trucks, to empower them and prepare them for life.  Different rules for each sex??

A listener said you can't force a child to play with what you believe they should play with, this is because she bought certain toys for her child and naturally her daughter was drawn to the dolls. 

Another listener said they would never let their son play with dolls because it will make them soft, and men are meant to be tough and strong, and thus play with trucks. 

To be honest, the responses were not what I expected, Im actually not sure what I expected. But I did start to think, why do the rules and conditions change for girls? Why are parents more worried about the effects on their sons than the effects on their daughters? What are the fears parents have? Doesn't it depend on the child's character? My innocent thinking is probably because I am a mother of girls, so my fears are different.

Girls can definitely learn life skills from playing with trucks and tool sets. When they are older, they won't be afraid to change a tyre assuming they grew up learning how to change one. They will know how to use a screw driver, how to change a light bulb, how to fix a plug etc...right?

What about boys? Do they not learn any life skills? 

Personally I wouldn't mix the toys around, I would leave boys to play with trucks and girls to play with dolls. But I do wonder, for those men that ventured into becoming chefs, designing clothes and shoes, designing furniture and kitchens, becoming professional artists, where did they learn that from? The women who have become pilots, engineers, scientists, where did they learn that from?

I truly wonder....

Being a parent now I think is harder than when our parents raised us. There is so much to consider, so much our kids are exposed to, so much we need to know...




Till Next Monday

Keep reading, keep learning, keep your eyes open

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

The Importance Of Reading. What Reading Triggers In A Child's Mind

I remember in primary school, every Saturday, my mom would take my sisters and I to the library and we would sit there for an hour and read, and either take the book home or pick another book to take home. It was a trip I always looked forward to because there were so many books, so many options, so much I could learn about. If it weren't for her taking us to the library, I probably would not have enjoyed school much. It made me want to learn as much as I could. Books have a wealth of information and they open our minds to so much, which is why it is important to get our children to read more.

I am going to share some points from an article from a website called called Raising Smart Kids, their points sum up the benefits of reading:

• Being a reader hones your child to be a success in life.  Understanding mathematics, science, history, engineering, mechanics, political science, takes a lot of reading and the discipline required to concentrate and read. Learning this skill early makes your child well-prepared for these challenges.
• Being a reader leads to a productive, enriched life in which your child can master complex information, pursue passions, and make a decent living.   Reading opens your child’s mind to the world and greatly increases her life prospects.
• For a child who is a reader, reading is a pleasure, and for him, reading is a habitual lifelong activity.
• When your child is a reader, he develops an appetite for knowledge.  Reading contributes to the background knowledge of your child for a variety of subject areas including science, history, geography, math, and social studies.  The more your child learns, the more he wants to know.
• A reader usually has empathy towards other people, because good stories and literature is about the human condition, the thinking and the emotions of being human.  Good literature values humanity and celebrates the human spirit and potential.
• A reader has his mind open to other culture, because reading offers insight into different lifestyles while recognizing universality.
• A reader learns vocabulary and grammar, which also improves his writing skills –  a very important skill to learn in the age of communication.
• Your child’s being a reader improves the probability of his staying in school.
• Reading enables your child a child to teach himself when he uses do it yourself books.  It also makes him learn a lot of skills on his own.
• Being a reader has good correlation with life span.  Education, employment and higher quality of life factors into this.  By having knowledge of importance of health, your child enjoys improved lifespan.
• A reader usually has improved problem-solving and critical thinking skills.  These are fundamental and transferable to all other areas of learning.  Critical thinking skills are also important to avoid being duped and scammed.
• A reader usually has a developed sense of humor, important to general well-being.
• A reader has an improved attention span.
• A reader constantly stimulates his imagination, important to developing creativity

Source: https://www.raisesmartkid.com/all-ages/1-articles/49-how-to-make-your-child-love-reading

Creativity starts in the mind. Your child believes in their own ability based on what you expose them to. Do not limit them to the world of imagination. 

Starting young is always good.

Take the time to read to your children, and have them read to you and to each other. 

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Should Kids Go For Extra Lessons?

So many children of all ages from 8 years going up, are busy during the holidays going for extra lessons. If your child is not going for anything, it seems as if you are a bad mom. Is that really the case?

I think the most important point I have to mention first is that each child (even from the same family) learns differently, and at their own pace. We cannot compare our children because we will be comparing apples and oranges. So if a parent takes their child for extra lessons, it does not mean that your child must go too

Secondly, parents take their children to extra lessons for different reasons: 

• to just keep their knowledge fresh for certain subjects
• to become number 1 instead of number 2
• to polish up on certain concepts
• because they need extra attention on certain subjects
• the teacher has recommended it for the child to keep up
• to keep the child busy during the holiday

It may not always mean that your child is failing to understand a certain subject, it could just mean the parent wants their child to excel. That kind of pressure on a child is a topic we have discussed before and I shared my thoughts on it.

With exams coming up, you may find some children panic under pressure. For some children, preparing over a longer period improves their performance, and keeps them calm, so revision/extra lessons may help. It is all about knowing your child's ability and learning skills. 

How much time before the exams should your child start learning? It all depends on your child. I remember a friend of mine who would forget what she read if she studied two weeks before an exam, someone else would forget a month before, and some a day before. It is important to communicate and understand from your child what they need.

It really doesn't hurt to take your child for extra lessons, but if you do, take them for the right reasons, ensure they are learning something, and try and find a place/tutor that makes them enjoy learning and want to come back.

Short topic, but it has some strong points.

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Should Boys Help Out In The Kitchen And Around The House?

Imagine being a mom of boys only, that means all the cleaning up and cooking is on you if you do not have someone to help you. It is a lot to handle, especially with the amount of energy boys have and their appetite as well; you will be on your feet most of the day. 

Now imagine you have a boy and a girl, is it fair to make the girl do the housework because she is a girl? Is it wrong to have both of them help out around the house?

Some parents say boys are meant to do men's work, repairing, building, painting, those kind of things. They believe that prepares them to be men, and that they should NOT do housework.....that is 1 point of view.

Other parents believe boys should help out because it teaches them to appreciate what is done around the house and that it teaches them responsibility...that's another point of view.

I do not think your child loses anything by helping out around the house; he actually gains more and learns more. 

• He will be more prepared for when he moves out or goes to university, he will be self sufficient;
• He gets to bond with mom and his other siblings. I think we know a lot is discussed when doing the dishes or cooking, its a good time to catch up with what is going on everyone's day;
• He also gets to appreciate what mom does and what his sisters do around the house, and hopefully will not be as messy or as unappreciative of what they did; 
• He will be more responsible, and the earlier he learns this, the better for him;
• It also removes the idea that men should not be seen helping out around the house. It is actually quite nice to see a young man help set the table or help clear up, to them, its just helping out, nothing more.

For the mothers of all boys, I have seen some who have said everyone helps out, and I have seen others who will say they will do it all for their sons, and it works for them.

It really is all about what works best for you and your children

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

What To Do When Children Lose Their Belongings At School

It is back to school tomorrow!! The coldest term of the year, and back to the school run! Second term is easier for the older kids as you don't have to buy much aside from stationery and covering paper and some socks.

The main headache every parent has is their child losing their belongings. You could mark it, glue it to their bag, glue the hat onto their head (hahah, not really) and still some kids will manage to misplace something. The worst is when they have sports or have to change at school....there goes another sock...sigh...

I have a friend whose daughter loses an item every week, I believe she does it on purpose to annoy her mother, and it works (hahah). If it is not her hat, its her jersey or shoe or lunch box. And without fail, my friend will snap at her child, naturally because it is quite frustrating. But scolding the child is clearly not working. But would leaving the child without the item for a while be a solution?

There are different reasons why children lose belongings, I will just share 3:

1. Their age: they are still young and not used to being responsible

2. Their character: they are just clumsy or forgetful or disorganised (this is when scolding

                              doesn't work)

3. The parent/s: They know mommy/daddy will replace the lost item, so there is no need                            to stress 

How many of you are guilty of #3??? I know many are. Some parents baby their children and thus the child does not learn to be responsible with their things. If I were a child and I knew I didn't have to worry about looking for anything I lost, I would definitely never stress about looking after my items. That life would be easy. I would just hand over my bag to mom who would look inside and frantically try and replace what is missing for me to have it the next day, or search for me in the school yard or classroom while I play. Easy life.  Many mothers do that. I understand that some do it because they just do not have the time to look for the item, or they think their child is too young to understand responsibility. It doesn't make the situation any better. Do you think this child will be responsible with a car or money when they are older if they have never had to worry because you will fix everything?

So here are just a few points in terms of how to solve it

1. Understand your child's character and see how you can teach them not to lose items: If your child is naturally disorganised, shouting will not help. Sometimes leaving the child without for a day, could help them see the importance of the item for them at school. 

2.The age of the child matters in terms of how you teach them not to lose items, but regardless of the age, they will still understand, it just depends on their character.

3. Ensure that your child understands the need for each item at school and that it is their responsibility to bring the item back daily.

4.  Do not look for the lost item while your child is just waiting or playing. Make the child look for the item as well. When they see the pile of jerseys in the lost and found box when they have lost their jersey, they will remember how frustrating it was to look through the pile, and hopefully will not do it again.

5. When you pick up your child, ask them to look in their bag for each item. If they have forgotten anything, they must go back and look for the item. Kids get annoyed by such things, they will quickly learn to not lose anything.

All of our actions as adults are all related back to our childhood. No grown person wakes up irresponsible or selfish, they have been like from when they were a child and were allowed to be like that by us the parents

The mistakes of a parent walk the streets, don't let your child be one of those, be a proactive parent. Our generation has no excuse for irresponsible parenting because we have access to so much information. So let's be conscious parents

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

How Early Can Children Be Taught To Do Chores?

So here is a shocker for some mums, children helping around the house is not a bad thing! I know parents who refuse to make their children clean their room, make their beds or pick up after themselves. They believe there is always time when they are older. How many of us can change our ways now that we are older? Who you are now is based on what you learnt as a child. If you learnt that you didn't have to pick up after yourself, why would you change the rules now? 

It is never too early to teach a child to help out, that is what I believe. I am not saying a 1 year old must make their bed, but there are things at each age that a child can do to help out around the house. The important this is TO MAKE IT FUN! For example, kids can learn to help set the table; each one would have a task to do, like someone picks the mats to be used, the cups to be used for that meal, it would be their 'design choice'.

Another point to remember is to KNOW YOUR CHILD'S TEMPERAMENT. Not all children will respond to chores being fun, some may just not want to participate. Find out what works for your child. A child may not like doing a chore with others, they like to have control over the task, so let them do it alone. Another child may do something and expect something in return. That one is a tricky one for me personally as I do not like rewarding children for such, I fear the child may view rewarding for responsibility in the wrong way. If your child is like this maybe reward with extra time to play outside, that way they are active and learning. You could reward with extra time in the bath even during bath time. 

MAKE THEM DO SOMETHING THEY CAN DO REGULARLY. Naturally if you keep doing something, it will stick, so if your child keeps doing the same chore, they will end up doing it on their own regularly or daily. So you need to make sure the task is something they can relate to based on their age. For the younger kids, picking up their toys after they play, putting their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, taking their plates to the kitchen after a meal, could be some things they could do. Older kids could be cleaning their rooms, helping with the dishes, helping with the laundry for example.

Teaching children to help out makes them better citizens and better people. 

• They learn to be responsible at a young age.
• They also get prepared for university when they have to live alone and look after themselves.
• It teaches them discipline at an early age knowing that they have a regular task to do and that it must be done.

So lets start getting our kids busy around the house at an early age, they will appreciate it a lot when they are much older

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed 

Tafi

#beingaparent