This week we discuss a very interesting relationship...Mothers and their sons....a very interesting relationship. The relationship between fathers and their daughters is not as strong from what I have read; fathers are able to let go and watch from a distance more than mothers can do with their sons. I wonder why though? Some articles even say there is a risk of the relationship being unhealthy, meaning boundaries are not set in the relationship and thus mothers still have a major say in their son's life even after marriage. As a mother of girls, I will declare now that I do not understand it, and I may not be the best person to speak on it, which is why I researched a lot on the relationship.
Having discussed fathers and their daughters, I can see that the attachment points are quite similar, but the relationship dynamics between mother and son are quite different. Does it mean that the father and daughter relationship is not so strong? I do not think so, but I do think biologically the attachment is different, I am still to prove it to understand it.
From what I researched, I noted the following:
- A mother is a son's first love. She is the first person to show him affection, and teach him how to love. Thus is a mother is not as attentive to her son from a young age, he will not be able to show love to his girlfriend or wife as he grows older. It would be his first experience with rejection. A mother loves unconditionally and men grow to know that and appreciate that.
- A mother is the first person a boy trusts. No matter what their sons do, a mother will always stand to defend their son. They learn to trust women from their mothers, which is why they take it hard when a woman breaks their trust, they do not know how to handle it. If their mother is dishonest and unreliable, their sons will believe all women are like that.
- A mother defines what a man will look for in a wife. Men tend to marry someone like their mother; the standards in their lives, in their home and in their actions are set by how their mother was. I have heard men say that their wife doesn't clean as well as their mother, or cook as well as their mother. It could be food made by a world famous chef, but they will still say their mother's food is best
- A son's confidence comes from their relationship with their mother. A man who is confident, who believes he is invincible and can do it all, is that way because his mother; she was his first cheerleader. If she can believe he can do it, then no one can tell him he can't. Her opinion is the number one opinion and the one that matters. If she does not believe in him, she can break his self-confidence and ruin his future without knowing it. A study presented at the American Psychological Association showed that boys who are close to their mothers tend not to buy into hyper-masculine stereotypes. They don’t believe, for instance, that you have to always act tough, go it alone or fight to prove your manhood every time you are challenged. These boys remained more emotionally open. Not only did they have better friendships, but also less anxiety and depression than their more macho peers1.
What mom says is golden, and what mom does is angelic. Men take what their mother says more seriously and to heart more than a daughter and her father. There is nothing you can say about his mother that could paint her badly.
But what causes the lack of boundaries in their relationship?
It is not easy for a son to separate from his mother once he is in a relationship; to them it seems like abandonment or they are neglecting her. Some mothers are also to blame as they feel that way too and let their sons know that is how they feel, which puts pressure on the son to keep his mom close and to please her.
What is important as a mother is to know that you could get too close to your son and fail to let them go, to grow and to love someone else. It requires making a conscious decision to see that letting him go is good for him and it is ok. From what I researched, it is definitely not easy, but it can only be changed by the mother.
It is important to have a great a relationship with your son because it defines how he treats a woman and the man that he becomes. It is also important to not get too close and allow another woman to be able to love him as much as you love him. Set boundaries in your mind mom, for his benefit.
We learn something new everyday, and the hope is that we become better parents for our children. Parenting is definitely not easy, and the same approach cannot be used with each child.
I hope this article has helped someone
Till Next Monday
Stay Blessed
Tafi
#beingaparent
Source: http://www.telegram.com/article/20120509/NEWS/120509477
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