Helping Children Adjust Into Their Blended Family

Blended families are complicated and can be particularly hard on the children. While you and your partner are excited to start a new life together, your children may not adjust to the change so well. It is very important to be aware of this and make sure you are attentive to your child's needs and concerns to adjust well.

Some of the emotions your child may feel are as follows:

Uncertainty

1. Your child  may be scared of losing your attention now that there are new family members
2. They could be scared of becoming insignificant in the new set up
3. They may be unsure of how the new parent and children will treat them 

Anger / Jealousy

1. Your child could be jealous of the attention you give your new partner and thus dislike them for coming between you
2. They may dislike the new siblings for having to share your attention, or disrupting the setup that you had already
3. They may dislike having to share space with the new siblings

Excitement

    

    1.   The idea of having new siblings and a new parent could excite your child as they    

          could have been longing for that 

Overwhelmed and unsettled

    1.    With all the changes happening from adjusting to two parents, the wedding, living             with new siblings, finding their new position in the family, your child may feel     

           overwhelmed and lost. They will worry about what other changes will happen and              feel uneasy

The adjustment probably will not be easy, but here are a few tips to try and make it better for you and your child:

1. Talk to your child as much as possible

You can only know how your child feels if you ask them. As much as you are excited to start a new life, you have to remember that your child has not had as much time as you have to think all this through.

You need to reassure your child that you will always be there for them and that your love for them will not change.

Ask them what they expect from the new parent, from the new siblings, and from you the parent. Ask them how they feel with every new change that is happening. It will take a while for many kids to adjust, but communication has to be open between you and your child.

2. Do not force everyone to get along

It would be nice if every member of the family just got along and loved each other from the start, but it doesn't always happen that way, and forcing it does not help. As a parent you naturally feel pressure to want your new partner and your child to get along, but you have to let go and let it happen naturally. Forcing it will only make both sides angry. Let each person develop the relationships on their own and hopefully they will all grow to love each other.

3.Never block out the original parent

Sometimes the new family may make your child miss their other parent, and it is ok. It is a normal reaction and it does not mean that they do not love you, they just miss them and are dealing with accepting the 'new normal'.

4. Do not feel bad and spoil them

Just because you may feel bad, does not mean you should give in to your child's needs and spoil them.  You now have to realise that there are other children to consider and they must be treated equally. The same rules now apply to each child. Try spend quality time with your child, rather than spoil them.

I hope this has helped someone who is considering blending families or has blended families and was not too sure how to handle it.

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent