Tips On Co-Parenting

The structure of families is changing so much nowadays where children are being raised in two different households because the parents never married, are divorced, separated, or never were together. These dynamics are complicated for both parties, but mostly for the child/children.  When emotions get involved, logic is thrown out the window. People act for their own benefit and not for the child/children, which is very selfish.  In all situations the child must come first! Whatever decision is made should be in the best interest of the child, NOT the adult's best interest.

Co-parenting well is so important to ensure that your child has as much of a balanced life as possible, given the circumstances. It requires MATURITY, to put your differences aside and consider the child's needs.

If you put your child in between your issues, you harm the child in so many ways:

• Emotionally: they feel they have to choose, and they feel the burden of pleasing both of you
• Physically: the back and forth and the arguments can drain a child physically; they could lose their appetite and interest in participating in anything
• Poor performance at school: aside from the fact that they feel inadequate not living with both parents, they have to deal with the 'drama' that both of you bring around the child. What you do and say in front of your child can affect their performance at school
• Withdrawal from school activities or social functions: if your child knows it is too complicated to have you both attend a function with them, or to ask for permission to attend, they will just choose to not participate at all to avoid the stress
• Low self-esteem: while you are fighting each other, no one is considering the child, and they will feel unloved, not worthy of being care for. 

Good co-parenting raises children that are:

• Secure: they know they are loved and cherished and that they can call on both of you to come together to be there for them
• Confident
• Problem-solvers: they learn from you how to compromise, how to come up with the best solution and not be selfish
• Happy and healthy
• Emotionally stable
• Proud of their parents: so many kids I know cannot wait to leave home and be away from their parents because of their behaviour. They are quite embarrassed by how their parents handled the situation in such a selfish manner

So here are a few tips I have put together:

1. Put your child's needs first: forget about your anger or frustration with the other parent, your child needs you both, do what is best for your child
2. Agree on boundaries: you need to have the same parenting approach regardless of who the child is with. If it is bed time at 8 at mum's, it should be the same at dad's. 
3. Agree on what you want to achieve for the child: one parent may want a child to feel independent at a young age, therefore their agenda is one of raising a confident child. The other parent could want to nurture the child for a while until they are settled in the arrangement. Two different agendas, one child; it will not work
4. Never make your child the messenger: you have to be mature enough to discuss directly with the other parent about the issues you are having, and not send the child. They are a child at the end of the day, they love you both, and it is VERY immature in my eyes.
5. Never bad mouth the other parent to the child: it doesn't benefit the child, nor does it doesn't end well in the long run for you. 
6. Choose your battles: there is a lot to fight about, but choose what is a life changer for your child, and always assess if they are emotions or if it is a real issue that is upsetting you.
7. Keep talking to your child: Keep speaking to your child about how they feel about the arrangement and let them know that they should feel free to speak to either of you if they are unhappy with the arrangement.
8. Don't try to out-do the other parent: spoiling the child doesn't help. Some parents tend to spoil to want to be the 'best' or 'the favorite'. All it does is make the child try to get the most out of both of you. It doesn't help the child at all
9. Keep exchanges short and sweet: Try and keep the exchanges short to avoid emotions running and be pleasant to allow the children to see that you can be civil.
10. Be open and flexible with schedules: schedules are good for planning, but your child's programme can change. Be flexible to allow your child to do what they need to do, and sometimes they may want to see the other parent during your time. Allow that change to happen.

Co-parenting is hard, but it can be done well if both of you work together and cooperate. 

Focus on your child and it will make it so much easier

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent