Boarding School Or Day School? That Is The Question...

It is so tough for me to think of not being involved in my child's homework. Even when I have had to travel, I would call sometimes to find out how she is doing, but the nice thing is I managed to get her into a routine, which helped and reduced my anxiety. The school run and extra activities keeps me so busy! But I actually enjoy it because I get to spend time with her and watch her progress. It does get tiring I will not lie. Balancing work and the extra-curricular activities makes me think boarding school would be more convenient, but only for that reason. I would want to watch them grow every day.

Some parents prefer boarding school and there is nothing wrong with that. Both boarding and day school have their pros and cons, and what is important when you make your decision is the happiness of your child.

So lets look at the pros of both:
PROS OF DAY SCHOOL
- You are involved in your child's growth at school
- You have a close relationship with your child
- You can determine the activities your child does

PROS OF BOARDING SCHOOL
- You do not have to stress about school run
- Your child matures and becomes more responsible
- Your child will have life-long friendships because of the amount of time the children spend together
- Your work life does not disturb your child's school programme/routine

And now the cons:
CONS OF DAY SCHOOL
- You have to have a flexible job to be able to attend everything
- Some extra activities require you to take the children all over the city for those activities
- You might 'baby' your child by doing everything for them because they are at home

CONS OF BOARDING SCHOOL
- You miss out on your child's growth
- You might not be as close to your child as you would like
- You may be at the school every other weekend to support your child's matches or events

I am sure there are more pros and cons for each. We just discussed a few on the show. We did realise that it also depends on the parent. Patience could handle her child going to boarding school, but I couldn't, and it doesnt mean that any of us loves our child any less based on our choice

Next week we will discuss which age/grade you would send your child to boarding school

Good luck with the decision dear parents

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent 

Is It Possible To OVER-Boost A Child's Self-Esteem?

The mistakes of a parent walk the streets of the world. Who your child becomes is a product of your parenting, how they act, think, speak and live. Remember, our children do as we do, they copy what they see. Its tough to read, but its important to realise and thus correct your actions as early as possible.

Have you ever met an adult who thinks they are invincible, untouchable, always right? They are annoying because you can never relate to them. The arrogance and the 'know it all' makes it difficult to have a conversation, people ignore or avoid this type of person.

Have you ever met that teen that is reckless and doesnt care? He loses things, he does not respect authority, he can wreck a car or a bike. In all these scenarios, the parent will come rush in and apologise for his behaviour or replace the car or bike within days.
 
Have you ever seen that child in the playground who goes around pushing/hitting other kids and the mother comes rushing to protect him and apologise on his behalf? A few minutes later, he does it to another child and the mother rushes and does the same thing.

Each of these scenarios can have different reasons why children do it, but directly or indirectly, knowing or unknowing, you are giving your child a false idea of who he is. You are telling your child 'You are better than anyone and anything, and do noone can tell you otherwise. I will always be there to fix it.'  Patience actually said its a thin line between spoiling and boosting self esteem, which is so true. Each of these could also be seen as spoiling a child, which you are. It may seem confusing because someone may say this is not a self esteem issue, it is self-confidence/arrogance, but its a very thin line between the two.

 Self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.

 It is good to tell a child that they are great, that they can do good, that they are the best, but we have to make sure that we are not telling our children that they are invincible and untouchable. Being an over-protective parent over our children's actions makes the situation worse. Teach your child to be responsible over his actions. A child believes who he is through what you tell him he is.

 Lets be aware of what we tell our children about themselves and our actions toward our child's behaviour. Our children are smart, and can manipulate our feelings remember that, and always know they are ALWAYS watching what we do

Let's create the children we do not have to worry over

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi 

#beingaparent

When Is The Right Time To Introduce Your Child To Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

When you have children, your focus moves from yourself to your child (well that's what we hope). Whatever you do is now about how it will benefit your child or make your child a better person. I saw a quote that says 'A child will follow your example, not your advice', so whatever you do, know that your child is watching and learning.



What are the reasons people introduce their children to their partners? Here are some reasons are thought of:

• Because they are in love and believe this is the person they will marry
• Because they want to see how this person is with their child
• Because they see nothing wrong with it
• Because they want their child involved in everything they do

Introducing a boyfriend/girlfriend to your child is quite scary for the child. Depending on the age and maturity of the child, they react differently, and here are some reactions I have thought of:

•  Because your child loves you and does not want to upset you, they will accept this person and hide their true feelings from you, but react badly in other ways;
• The child could genuinely be ok with this new addition to your life;
• The child could resist and hate this new person because they believe they are the cause of their parents' break up;
• The child could resist or dislike this new person because they see this person as taking away your attention from them;
• The child could be confused for a bit, not understand what is going on, but then react later in a negative way. 

Patience and I couldn't decide when would be the best time, so we thought of a few

• When you first meet the person
• When you see it is getting serious
• When they have met your family and they approve
• When you are engaged

It is important to not introduce your child to each and every partner, because they will look at relationships based on what they grew up seeing

This poster says it best. 

At the end of the day it is a personal decision, but I just hope you take your child's feelings into consideration, because they are the most important. 

Children carry their childhood into their adult lives; let's aim to make positive childhood memories to make positive and happy adults.

So many dynamics to parenting, but its always better when you share what you are going through and ask for advice

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent


 
 

The Role of A Step-Parent

The rate of divorce in Zimbabwe is so high, for a number of reasons. The unfortunate victims of the break up are the children. They move from two parents in 1 home to two parents in two different homes.  Then they face an extra parent in their lives should their parents remarry...its alot to handle.  When the exes start dating other people, its all fun and games because it is just the two of you, till you get serious, then children are involved...automatically you are an INSTANT PARENT. I wonder how many of us when we date those with children, actually sit back to think about the long term? Can you love someone else's child 100%? The main point I want to emphasise is you are not there to replace the other parent, but to work together.

So what role do you play in the child's life? What determines your role? There are two dynamics that a step parent can face:
1. The other parent is not involved in the child's life
2. The other parent is super involved in the child's life

#1 is easy on the child and the step parent because you and your partner make the decisions in the child's life, and your child can develop a relationship with you with no guilt or influence

#2 is the most common that I have seen.  It is hard for EVERY PERSON INVOLVED. The parent wants to be involved and will have a say in alot. Each person involved is playing a power game in most cases, which does not benefit the child. There are a few success stories that I have heard of (very few) where all the parents work well together and are focused on making the child happy. Most situations are so messy, you can see the child is so stressed and tired most of the time.

So as the step parent, maybe think about these questions:
1. Are your motives to help the child transition from the break up?
2. Are your motives to please the child or to please your partner? 
3. Are your motives to keep the relationship between the child and their parents, and not break the relationships?
4. Can the situation be civil? Can you be the 'United Nations' of the situation?
5. Are you trying to replace the other parent?
6. Can you handle blending parenting styles and involving the child's relatives from the other parent?
7. Can you separate roles?

Then there is also this dynamic:

• Coming into the marriage with your child and your partner doesn't have
• Coming into the marriage with no children and your partner has
• Coming into the marriage with children from both sides

With each scenario, how will you parent?
- Would you be lenient with your partner's children or the same rules apply?
- Would you say 'when in our home its our rules' or would you say 'let us not disrupt how the child was raised and stick to what is there'?

It is not an easy situation at all, but what is important is that we meet the needs of the child. The transition from 2 to 3 or 4 parents is not easy. This child now has more than 2 parents to please. I love the poster on this post, it truly shows where the focus should be, on the child.


Its a tough world we live in, can you imagine what it feels like for the child?

I hope this has helped someone. Respect is what is important, and with respect comes peace and love

Please feel free to share your comments on our blog and on the Jus' Kidz Facebook page

Till next Monday

Stay blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent