Would You Want To Know Who Your Child Is Dating?

It is always interesting to hear what my co-presenters have to say on the topics we discuss. Before I even finished explaining why it is important to know who your child is with, he was adamant and said 'it is not necessary'. It was quite an entertaining discussion today. As much as my heart agrees with Tich, because we would rather not know that our little angels are dating, I have to be real and say, you have to know.

I remember growing up, the concept of parents meeting your boyfriend/girlfriend was truly a foreign one, plus culturally it wasn't something that was accepted, and I completely understand. Being a young teenager you aren't really serious about a guy/ a girl; it was just the excitement of saying you have someone, so it wasn't necessary. But nowadays, kids are doing a lot more at a young age, so you have to know where your child's influence is coming from.  

So why is it important to meet your child's boyfriend/girlfriend?

- It helps you understand your child more, what they are attracted to in the opposite sex

- It helps you keep tabs on your child in terms of their social life. As your child gets older, their friends tend to be the people they turn to and trust, not you. So if you were close before, you might find your child becoming more distant

- You are able to maintain that close relationship that you had with your child as they were growing up

- You are able to teach your child how to handle a relationship as they are in it. We tend to want to give children a run down on the dos and dont's of dating at a stage that we are comfortable, and sometimes its a bit too late and most times its a bit too much for a child to remember all at once. As they are walking through the dating stage, walk with them and advise them with each stage that they reach

It is not the most comfortable 'thought' of meeting your child's boyfriend/girlfriend, but rather you go through it with them than avoid it till its too late. Help your child make the right choices in life and for a son to learn at a young age how to treat a woman and your daughter how she should expect to be treated

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

As A Step Dad, What Role Would You Want To Play In Your Step Child's Life?

We always seem to forget that men have a say too in our child's upbringing, especially when it comes to blended families. It is now more common to see men marrying women who already have children from a previous marriage. Most times the father of the children is not involved, so the dynamics are easier; decisions are made by the mom and step dad. But what happens when the father is involved? How are decisions made? Should the two men know each other? Should the mother be the person who speaks on their behalf? 

I know of someone who deals directly with the father of her children, and the two of them make the decisions. It has its own challenges, but it seems to work for them

I know someone else who says the two fathers choose to deal with each other especially when it comes to the finances. There seems to be less friction for them there because the mother of the child is not involved and the discussion is very specific, its about the money. Visitation and access is stipulated and everyone knows their place

Another scenario is where all three parties meet and work together in terms of making decisions for the child. Now this one I noticed worked because each person put their feelings aside and said this is about the child, and for the benefit of the child, nothing else. 

What we deal with in these situations is one, two or more of the following issues:

- Anger toward the end of a relationship

- Control: both men want to feel their position is known and appreciated

- Respect: both men want to be respected due to their role in the child's life

These feelings should be considered when you date someone who has their own children

- Do I want to be involved in the decision making?

- Can I afford to contribute or pay the full amount for fees?

- Can I handle dealing with another man and his demands on his child?

- Can I handle my wife speaking directly with her ex husband/partner?

There is no perfect way for everyone, each family has its own dynamics and what works for one family may not work for another, and what works initially may become complicated later, and the approach changes

It is definitely not an easy situation when you love someone but they have their 'situation'. But nothing is impossible when there is COMMUNICATION, LOVE AND RESPECT

At the end of the day, what is important is to do what is best for the child. Put that first, and it will work out fine 

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

The Importance Of Being Loving Towards Each Other Around Your Children

Its two days before Valentine's Day!!! I have been seeing roses and chocolates on display more in the stores now. Hopefully all will be bought in preparation for that wonderful day of love!!!

Many parents assume that children learn things only when they are older, which is when they will start to give them advice. But that is not the correct thing to do. Children learn so much from a young age, and up to 7 years, they will be forming their character based on what they are exposed to. This is why they say it is important to invest time with your child in the early years of their life so that they learn as much as they can from you.

Even at that young age your child is forming his/her opinion about what love is, how to show love and how to behave in a relationship and marriage. Without realising it, they become what they see when they are older, which is why you find understanding someone's past or family dynamics is very important when in a relationship. 

How you treat your wife is how your daughter will believe she will be treated, and how your son believes he should treat his wife. How you treat your husband is how your daughter will believe a man should be treated and how a boy believes he should be treated. History just repeats itself in our children and our grandchildren.

If you as a father just arrive home, watch TV and go to bed with no conversation, that is what your children will believe should be done. If you show that your role is just to provide, then your son will believe that is his role as a husband. If as husband and wife you do not eat meals together, you watch TV in separate rooms, and when in the same room you hardly speak, then your children will believe that is normal. The expectations couples have in a relationship are based on what they grow up seeing or are exposed to. I grew up seeing laughter and affection, celebrating special occasions together and with family, meals were eaten together at the table, so naturally I would expect to see the same in my relationship because that is all I know. 

Valentine's to me, is a day that couples are forced to show their love. Wives are expecting flowers at work and at home, chocolates on her desk, candle light dinner and more, and men are on the other side wondering why they are doing it...hahahah...but it is still an important day regardless, its a day you show your appreciation to your partner. It would be great that your children see you planning all this for their mother, or even helping plan it, or helping mum pick a lovely dress for dinner. It not only creates memories, but it shows them the act of love.

But it shouldn't only happen that one day or on Christmas or birthdays, it should happen all year round. I am not saying spend money all the time, but show love in different ways:

- Make your partner coffee because they like it

- Send them a song that you both used to love

- Give them a peck in the morning or whenever you see each other

- Hold hands

- Sit together on the coach

- Share your day with each other and the kids

These small acts are what you used to do before when you were dating, now you are doing it more, and you never know, it could ignite something that was lost before, and it could become a part of your day always. 

You would be proud to know that you set standards for your daughter in terms of how she should be treated and how she should treat her husband, and your son would know how to treat his wife and how to handle a relationship. It requires both mom and dad to teach these values to their children, so do not sit back and let your partner do it all.

Remember that your actions reflect in your child. Be the parent that you would want to see in your child

Happy Valentine's to you all!!

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Sex Education to 11 - 13 Year Old Kids

Where I thought a 3 year old was harder to speak to, this group has shown me it will prove to be the hardest

At this age, kids are much closer to their friends and they share information and knowledge; the more you know, the cooler you are. So if you haven't established an open relationship with your child by this age, you can guarantee that their friends are keeping them up to date!

So just to help you understand who you are dealing with:

• Preteens and teens begin to spend more time with peers and less time with family.
• Preteens and teens begin to form their identity by exploring different clothes, hairstyles, friends, music, and hobbies.
• Moodiness is common as youth struggle to search for an identity.
• Preteens and teens push limits that adults put on them to assert their independence
• Girls are more self conscious and 

You turn from being the best parent ever, to becoming the 'uncool' parent; their friends know more and they tryst their friends' opinions.

This age group experiments, succumbs to peer pressure very easily if they do not have the guidance. This is the age group that can get the concept of sex and their bodies completely wrong if you do not address it correctly. 

No matter the age, it is important to keep giving your children the same message, but also realise the stage they are in their lives socially. We may blame the school, church or extra lessons that expose our children to 'naughty' kids, but we must also accept that our own actions have an impact on what a child learns/is exposed to. 

As a parent you must look at:

• The friends you have, what do they believe and how do they treat their children?
• Your own beliefs
• What you watch in front of your children
• What you say in front of your children

If inappropriate material is not supposed to be seen by your child, don't watch it on your phone when your child is there, don't speak about such in their presence, and don't keep it lying around, or take them to places where it is allowed. Your actions should speak louder than words, children learn by your actions. I have a friend who doesn't allow her children to have sweets/juice, they must have fruits and water. The rule doesn't only apply in her house and in their lunchboxes, they are not allowed even at their relatives' homes. So now her daughter naturally orders water wherever she goes and is confident to turn down a glass of juice if offered,  because she knows it is not allowed and it is a clear rule in her head. That is what we need to do with our children, to empower them with clear rules that apply wherever they go. If they see someone watching an inappropriate video, they know to walk away

We cannot always be with our children 24/7 but we must raise them to know that wherever they are, they will be alright.  

• Know your child's friends
• Know your child's interests
• Know your child's character
• Spend time with your child
• Speak openly with your child

Do not let your child become a victim of abuse or peer pressure. Empower them with wisdom and the confidence to love themselves just as they are.

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent