Does Rewarding Our Children For Doing Chores Teach Them Good Values?

'Why should I reward my child for doing what she is supposed to do?'

'They have a roof over their heads, and I feed them, that is their reward'

'I bribe because I honestly do not have the strength to fight with them. I need the job done'

'This teaches kids to bribe when they are older, I say NO!'

'What kind of parenting is that?'

'It teaches them to bargain I think, they become wiser when they grow up'

'My mother tried it with us, and we ended up taking her for a ride. She stopped that very fast!'

You are privileged to do chores...you get food , a roof over your head and clothes on your back..ok..I will cut you some slack... Have some ma freezit


 I think paying them to help out might teach them about earning but I think it's more valuable to teach them that helping one another makes a happy home/ heart, so the weight is not on one individual and that service to others is so much better than only helping out if u gain money or rewards , our job is to teach our children as young as possible empathy, kindness ,respect, love and service to others and that to give without expectation leaves u feeling full , the concept of working hard for your money will be something they learn from the example watching thier parents they see how hard you work , and they too will do the same

 My mom used to do that to my brother and me. With age we started becoming entitled. She had to stop the payments and put the fear of God into our hearts for us to do our chores without grumbling

 I reward them by letting them stay under my roof for free! And I remind them daily, lest they become entitled.. Chores are how they pay for their school fees.. (I'm pretty sure they'll put me in a retirement home when I'm old 🤣🤣🤣)

 Reward ain’t about money 💰 only

 I think for basics like making their bed no but for ironing or taxing work teaches them that hard work leads to profit

My personal choice would be not to give monetary reward. I'm planning on converting it into time saved.. "free time if you will. Minutes towards screen time, play time etc

 I think it teaches them good values - you have to work for what you want. I don’t however think it needs to always be a monetary amount. We have a stamp system. He accumulates enough stamps he gets to have/do something within a set budget. We also do the tidy up all your toys then you can have tv time. If he really wants to watch tv he does it😜

 I think chores in the home should be standard. But maybe put them in categories. Washing dishes, cleaning your room, making your bed... should be standard. No payment. Washing the car, pay the kids. As much as you want them to learn about value of work and money you still want them to learn general respect and responsibility in the house so when they live alone they maintain a recently clean house


Mmmm reward? I don’t reward them with money, I think it’s important for them to learn that sometimes one just has to grind because that’s how stuff gets done. You don’t always get a monetary reward for your grind




These are some of the responses we got when I shared it  on my Facebook page and when we talked about it on the show. Its interesting to see how different we all are, how we parent differently, which makes the world and interesting place.

I personally feel rewarding in whatever way is not good. I reward for school performance, and I encourage and praise when they do chores around the house. It is important to let kids know they are doing well and they have done a good job. Making a bed at a young age isn't easy, but imagine how happy your child will be when you tell them they have done a good job and they are getting better at it. It will push them to want to keep doing it I believe.

We all do what works for us and our kids, let's make sure we do what works positively for our kids in the long run

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed


Tafi

#beingaparent

Have Our Parenting Styles Evolved?

When I was growing up, life was completely different: 

• we had telephones that we called landlines which is how we communicated with our friends and family which were locked, you couldn't just call anyone and raise the bill
• we wrote letters to our friends and family. Letters were how we survived at boarding school, it was always exciting to receive a letter every week, and write one back. 
• TV started at 330pm so we spent more time outside than inside since there was nothing to do inside. You knew what you were allowed to watch 
• We read a lot more, I remember I had a whole collection of Nancy Drew books and I would swap with my friends if they had a book I hadn't read. We would go to the library and read for an hour and then leave with a book that we would return a week later. There was so much to do. 
• homework would be done at school or the moment we would get home, and somehow my parents trusted that it was done and it was correct because I do not remember homework being something they stressed about. 
• I remember my friends saying when a certain programme started, I think it was Santa Barbara, you KNEW it was time for bed. You would just get up and say goodnight and go straight to bed....lol....
• Many parent used 'the eye' to communicate if they were not happy with something you were doing, especially in public, and it worked!! You would stop IMMEDIATELY!!! I call that effective parenting. You somehow knew what to do, and what you weren't allowed to do. 
• you knew where you were allowed to go and where you were not allowed to go. It wasn't as seamless.  

I am sure for most of our parents we gave them a few headaches here and there, it wasn't as rosey and easy as I have written it. But the rules were there, the foundation was set. 

When I look at how we raise our kids now,

• every electronic gadget possible is in the house and in the car to ensure they are entertained
• TV is on from morning until the children sleep
• books? not a necessity nowadays, unless it is a school book that they have to read
• not many parents are strict on what their children watch and listen to
• they have TVs in their rooms and can spend the whole day watching TV or playing PlayStation
• they are not afraid of us! they push their boundaries because they know they can and we won't do much or be as strict
• they have cellphones at a young age
• we have to check if they have done their homework or actually leave work or set aside time to do it with them
• they get their way most of the time

Have we changed how we raise our kids? If so, why?

Is it because of technology that we feel our children need to be entertained?

Is it because we are lazy that we need to find things to entertain our children?

Is it because we need to fit in with society that we are lenient with our children?

Is it because we do not have time to parent?

Is it because we never had much and so we want our children to have the best?

Is it because we were raised by strict parents, and thus do not want to be strict with our kids?

Is it because society has said we need to let our children express themselves and be who they want to be and let them explore and find themselves?

I believe we have changed how we raise our kids, but to say why, I cannot, as it seems to be different with each household. I can speak for myself and say I am strict in certain things and lenient in some because my days can get full, and I run out of time. But I try to make sure I spend as much quality time with them as I can

Let's try and look at how we raise our kids and see what we can change for the better. Our children reflect who we are, let's remember that

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#responsibleparenting

Tactics To Survive Bed Time

Beginning of term is such a tough time for parents, getting kids back into the sleep routine. Some parents maintain the same sleep routine for school and holiday, which I must commend, its all about discipline and consistency. 

The nice thing is that we are not alone! So many parents struggle with the same thing, and some were kind enough to share how they get around the madness of getting a sleep routine. I must say some are hilarious, and some are quite interesting: 

I just say it’s bed time and they got to their room, next thing I know they are asleep

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Just give them the eye. It works, my mom used it on us. Im 40 and i still go to bed at 8pm

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Routine works for us. Switch of tv. brush teeth, bath go to bed.

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Its a struggle supper is always at 6. i make mine go to bed at 7 so that they brush their teeth and pray and they are asleep by 8. House rules include who ever jumps out of bed is punished if i hear anyone talking you are punished coz its at bed time where funny requests start coming like can I have some water? My leg is sore or the other one did this n that but Friday they can do pungwe if they want.Holiday bed time is 8 .The last week b4 schools open we revert bk to 7.

Routine helps. Turning off devices and TV, even just dimming the house as well. From the time they eat supper I'm talking about bed and tomorrow. Then I give them some free non TV time - then it's time to brush teeth (at that point everyone knows it's game over!) Then bed

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 I send them to their beds...after all pre - bedtime time protocol has been observed...once they are in bed..I give them 15 -20 minutes ..of reading time and turn off the lights..it's up to them whether they sleep or not....

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I firstly tell them it’s bed time in 20min then count down every 5min. Then at 1min I start asking them to walk to their rooms. If I’m not seeing responsiveness I read “the riot act” which includes threats for no WiFi and no TV or video games for the entire month (usually after this, everyone has started dreaming in 5mins) but if not, I follow through on my threats and the lesson is learnt....

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Have a routine they can follow its easier to adjust. They should have supper on time. Go and brush teeth, read a story, pray and lights out. Have a routine for the whole day and be consistent.

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they shld play hard during the day

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Remove stimulants

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Switch of the TV and let them play hard during the day...am not yet a parent though but this worked on me as a child

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I e been sleep training Nailah from when she was 2 months old. She is 6 now still takes a 2 hr day nap and is asleep by 8pm (9:30pm on weekends) up at 6 school days and 8am weekends.

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My almost 6 week old has started responding to a routine. ( Of course prior to that it was sleep, wake up to eat, maybe play and repeat whenever she wanted). We started doing feeding, bath, massage and reading to her in that order at 7.30pm.She falls asleep during the reading. When she wakes up to feed at night, I do it quietly with dimmed lights and she falls asleep right after....

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U let them get used to the sleeping time you want them to. And with time they will get used to that time.

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I gave them a bedtime earlier than the target - “bedtime is 8pm” when I’m actually happy with 8.30. Also, we’re most at peace when we can stick with a wind-down routine (gadgets handed in, group reading, pyjama/ toothbrush mission, family reflection, lights off). It gets harder to keep this as they get older - 

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Start bed time 45 mins early. If bed is 8pm. Start routine at 715. By 745 they are done and ready. That way they can chit chat and wind down for 15 mins or so

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I think they need to wind down...not just from Tv to chiendai kunorara izvezvi so...

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Just tell them to go and don’t accept no for an answer, take all gadgets, switch off lights

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I give them the Daddy look of Loco. They just run to bed

Thankyou to all the parents that shared their tactics, they are all different, but most say 'be consistent' in whatever you do

Different methods work for different children, which shows how different we are as human beings and we must always celebrate that.

Please check my Facebook page (Tafadzwa Elaine Mkondo) every Sunday for the next topic that we will discuss on Monday, and please share your thoughts or solutions. Parenting takes a village, and the more thoughts we share together, the more we can help each other 

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Happy Parenting!!

Tafi