Is A Child Better Off To Be Born In A Marriage Brought About By Pregnancy?

Families are now formed in different ways; traditional, blended, arranged, and some because of pregnancy. In our culture, its not a good image to have a child out of wedlock, so some couples will end up marrying because it is what they know is expected. There are those that will have been dating and fell pregnant sooner than they expected, and then there are those once off situations where you do not have feelings for this or even know them at all or well enough. Yes, that happens. 

It makes sense that the elders would want to have the couple marry, but what about the environment it is creating for the child they are going to raise? Is this child going to grow up seeing love or seeing regret? Is it the right thing to do to marry because you are pregnant?

I asked some people who said they didn't see the problem if the couple loved each other. It happened unexpectedly but they were going to marry anyway. One lady said it is important for the couple to not regret the pregnancy as it will define their relationship, they will feel forced and trapped and thus not build on the relationship.  Even in pregnancy a child can feel the rejection, and once the baby is out, the environment can affect their character. If a child feels like they are the reason these two people got married, it will create a sense of not being wanted or loved. 

Children are born out of non-traditional situations and some turn out good and some come out with some hang ups and anger, but that can happen with those born out of traditional situations. The reason why people should marry is because they love each other and they want to be together. If you do not love and respect your partner, you cannot show your child how to love and respect other people. We become what we are exposed to.  Your child may grow up to believe that marriage is not about love, but it is about doing the responsible thing, or it is the next stage in a person's life that must be done. It does not involve a relationship or being happy. Depending on how you handle the marriage, if either of you step out of your marriage and your child finds out, your child could possibly think that you make your own happiness outside of your marriage. Is that what you want your child to believe?

If your have made the decision to marry because of pregnancy, then embrace it and be happy. Both of you need to discuss why you are doing it, and if it is not because you love each other, then at least make sure you respect each other and the union and the decision you have made to raise this child as a married couple.

Children pick up on body language and they know when people are pretending to love each other. You cannot fool a child, and it would mean fooling this child till they die or you die. That is a lifetime commitment. Can you commit to pretending for that long and realising that you will be caught out by the child at some point in their life? It is a big risk.

So if not handled right, marrying because of pregnancy could lead to the following:

- A child not feeling wanted

- A child having the wrong perception of marriage

- A child with low self-esteem

- A self destructive child because they do not feel wanted

- A rebellious child

- A loner of a child

As the parents, if you decide to marry because of pregnancy make sure you:

- Really talk about it and understand why you are both doing it

- Respect each other as individuals and as the parent of your child

- Respect the union, do not show you are unhappy to everyone around you including your child

- Both put the child first. You came together for the child to have a stable home, so make that your aim no matter how you feel

- Try create a friendship, and eventually it could lead to love. I have seen many instances where people grow to love each other overtime. Others love intensely and drift apart overtime...so there really isn't a set formula 

I am not saying people should not marry, but please marry for the right reasons. This is a lifetime commitment. Commit for the right reasons

A baby does not keep people together.

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Co-Education Versus Separate Education

I am just going to jump straight into this one and say, I really do not know which one is better. I went to an all-girls school from primary school to high school, only at university did I learn with boys. After the discussion today, we all concluded that it is good to be in co-ed when you are in high school, primary school, not so much as you are not as conscious of who you are. BUT at the same time, you may feel pressure to be someone else when you are around the opposite sex due to peer pressure or assuming a certain behaviour is what is expected of you.

I looked up articles on this and found one by Chitra Reddy, which I thought made sense. Here are her points from her article:

Advantages of Co-Education System

A good education system is said to be progressive only if it respects both the genders and giving the same education under a single roof.

Co-education institutions help in laying the foundation for both the genders to learn how to co-exist with respect and dignity. Here are the few points that explain the advantages of co-education system.

1. Develops mutual respect:

Co-education allows both the genders to mingle with each other and to know how to co-exist with respect.

By this process of getting mingled under one learning institution, they develop mutual understanding towards each other. And there is no place of hesitation or partiality among the genders when it comes to performing activities like cultural, academics or sports.

People get to know how to respect each other and their emotional level. You get to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and develop the ability to accept them as they are.

2. Helps to overcome the fear of opposite gender:

In general there are lot of differences in behaviour of both the genders which brings in fear and hesitance in striking a conversation, this fear can be for a boy or a girl.

This kind of shyness, hesitation or fear can be overcome when they are put up in a co-education system where they will be compelled to talk and create a friendly environment with out any fear.

It is very natural phenomenon where both the genders have to be together to face the world, your senior could be a male or a female and you would have to create a friendly environment and must be at ease with the opposite sex.

Hence, co-education would help them to know the opposite sex better, creating a comfort zone where the communication is easier.

3. Healthy competition:

Competition is always an essential part in any kind of challenges in life be it personal or professional. And especially in education it is good to have a healthy competition among the peers which lets you learn how to cope with your failures early in life no matter who the winner is.

When it comes to opposite genders it would be more competitive because of your ego, and this is one good way to improve the personal standards so that you don’t get personal on every failure.

So, co-education systems nurtures challenges among the opposite genders in a healthy way, that helps you to maintain your dignity. It also educates you to face your failures and learn from them rather than turn them into revengeful act.

4. Develops self-esteem among the genders:

Self-esteem is very essential and has to be built in good way and the best place to start with it is the learning institutions where you can face all types of personality early in your life.

Co-education learning centers help to lay the early foundation for maintaining dignity and self-esteem.

Many institutions give extra attention to students who feel that they are less worthy than the others and offer counseling sessions that help in building up their personality and making them stronger to face the world.

Co-education helps both the genders to respect each other’s self-esteem and build a confidence about their ownself, helping them to step out in the open without feeling intimidated.

5. Encourages the survival in future:

Survival in future for any of the gender in today’s world can happen only when we learn to co-exist.

From working together to making a marriage successful is all about team work and the effort given by both male and female. Team building activities in early stages help both the genders to learn how to co-exist and this can only be provided in the co-educational system.

By this way, co-education is an essential part in education system which pushes the genders to work together and blend with each other to survive in this brutal world.

6. Character enhancement:

A recent study reveals that children tend to behave very decently in a civilized manner in the presence of other gender provided they have been in this scenario for long.

This is very essential in an institution setup as well as it will have a huge impact in their personal front for the people of opposite sex to behave well with each other.

Hence, co-education plays an important role in character building. They emphasize on the fact that they have to respect and listen to the opposite sex as they listen and respect one from their own.

7. No space for discrimination:

Quarrel among the peers is very common be it at home, workplace or educational institutions. This may happen due to no proper understanding, misconceptions, miss-communications, uncomfortable, no respect for other sex and ignorance.

All this can only be improved when there is a good understanding between the two. This is very much reduced in a co-education system as they understand better each other and hence, reducing the bad behavior and harsh reactions from each other.

So, co-education system reduces any kind of discrimination and increases respect towards the opposite sex.

8. Promotes a controlled environment:

When both the genders are put up in same environment, there are more possibilities of following good ethics, disciplined use of language, and proper dressing etc.

You would know what the needs are of the opposite sex and how they behave helping you to avoid unfavorable situations.

Co-education supports good decent environment with more value based education emphasizing on respect and love for each other.

Disadvantages of a Co-Education system:

Every establishment has pros as well as cons and hence we need to look at every angle before we decide in which direction we have to go.

Though there are many advantages of having a co-education system, our society still puts forward few inhibitions which do not accept the concept. Here are few disadvantages which is commonly expressed about co-education system. They are,

1. Chances of distractions could be more:

Teenage is a very dangerous phase in anybody’s life. It is very common among the teens to undergo psychological changes when they are in company of the other gender and feel attracted towards them.2

And especially, where they are in a process of defining their career path, it could cause lot of distractions and might disturb their knowledge gain period.

Hence, parents often wonder if co-education institutions would be right choice for your kin to learn or whether they should avoid co-education system.

2. Unethical activities:

Crimes have become common when both the genders are put up in the same education environment.

There might be lot of characteristic changes among boys and girls. When they mismatch, some ferocious kids tend to commit various harassments, physical toughness, and emotional stress to people around.

The weaker lot can suffer at the hands of the opposite sex pushing them into depression and other psychological problems. Hence, people hesitate to support co-education system to ensure that their kids are in a safe environment and this is especially for the girls.

3. More involvement in personal feelings:

As the saying goes, opposite things attract each other, it applies to the humanly world also. Attractions among the opposite genders are the most commonly used excuse to avoid co-education system.

It is natural to get physically attracted to the other gender at a crucial age of life where curiosity takes over your heart. So, parents feel co-education is a risky task to take forward as they can have an easy access to distractions within the institutions.

An emotional involvement at an early stage can come with lot baggage that can force a child to deviate from their goals.

4. Unwanted arguments and issues can create an unhealthy environment:

Both the genders come from different school of thought and hence contradiction of thoughts is common among boys and girls. If the arguments are not handled in a proper behavior then it can sometimes might lead to unwanted arguments and might divert from their studies.

It can lead to lot of complaints and parents making the rounds at the school for the improper behavior from their kin. This will also make the teachers get troubled a lot because of their behavior and an irritated teacher can never give their 100% towards teaching.

This is what worries any parent, when they come to know that the issues in the school are costing his or her kin’s studies and hence pushing them to select a convent rather than co-educational institutions.

There are both advantages as well as disadvantages for any kind of education system including co-education system. The real good social environment will nurture positives of the society and help in dealing with the negatives in a dignified manner.

She has interesting points and I can see how both options have good points and bad points. In the end its up to you the parent to make an informed decision and choice

Till Next Monday

Stay blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Source: https://content.wisestep.com/advantages-disadvantages-co-education-system/

Are Fathers Taking Their Role Seriously?

Parenting involves two people, not 1. The mother is not the only person that should raise a child, children need a father too. Its a topic we discussed  before, but its a topic that is still important. 

Parenting is not something you can choose to do once you have a child. It is a full time job, your responsibility to guide that child through life. Life is hard and can get complicated sometimes, but you cannot quit, you cannot walk away from your responsibilities. 

We asked some men if they feel they are taking their role seriously and here were some of the responses:

The bad:

• I cannot provide for my child because it is a tough economy
• I am going through so much right now, I just cant take on that role. 
• My wife doesn't let me do things with my child, so I leave it all to her to do
• My role is to provide, so as long as they have what they need, I have done my part
• Girls need their mothers more when they are young, I will take over when they want to get married
• I don't think a child needs a father at a young age, plus I do not know what I am supposed to do with a young child
• I feel women just want to do it all for the children and tend to make us feel like we are not needed, so I just let her be and do what she asks me to
• My boys will be fine, they are at an all boys school, so they will learn manly skills from their peers and teachers

The Good:

• I am the man I am because of my dad, so I will do the same for my children and teach them the values that I was taught
• I have chosen to be an active father because I grew up with a father who was too busy for me, so I know what that feels like and I want to parent differently
• I came from a broken home and my father chose to stay away because he couldn't handle my mother. So I have decided that whatever the situation, I will be there for my child
• That's my child, and no one will raise that child but me 

Its a mixed bag of responses, with a few responsible ones, but that is the society we are living in now. 

The truth is that every child needs their father. You look at adults who didn't have a father/mother in their lives and you can tell that some of their character issues are due to that absent parent. 

To the fathers out there,

• the age of your child doesn't matter, they need you 
• the sex of the child doesn't matter, they need you
• the issues around your relationship with their mother doesn't matter, they need you
• your financial position doesn't matter, they need you
• the activity they do at school doesn't matter, they need you there

A child learns love, security, respect, confidence from their fathers more; be that parent that builds a great human being, get involved

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent