Neglecting Your Child

It seems every Monday, my wifi just fails me! I can never post on time or even post what we are going to discuss on the show. So again I am so sorry dear readers, this has been posted late again! I hope you go to listen to us though at 1250 on ZiFM.  Even send in Whatsapp messages during the show to share your thoughts.

The role of a parent is so hard because you always have to watch your actions. Your child may interpret your actions in a different way, and thus react in a way that you didn't expect.  So many people assume when we talk about neglect, we are referring to physically leaving your child. What we may think is not neglect, may be what children see as neglect, and they may react in different ways. 

Neglect can be felt by a child when:
- The family grows (a new sibling is born)
- A stay at home parent starts working
- A single parent starts dating/gets married
-  Generally any changes that could take away your attention from your child 

Looking at these events, they aren't out of the ordinary things that a parent can be said to be neglectful, but guess what, our kids see it differently, and each child reacts differently. Some children adjust to change very well, and some do not.  Here are some ways a child can react to change in attention from a child:

- They could become very antisocial and keep to themselves
- They could rebel at school or at home
- They could become violent
- They could start bullying others
- They could turn to the wrong groups of people for attention
- They could regress in their development

Naturally when a child becomes rebellious, we all just assume that the child is being a child, and we ignore it. But sometimes there is a deeper reason to the action, and it is important to be attentive to our children. I think this topic is really important because the effects of neglect filter into adulthood, and that is when we see children failing to trust in a relationship, failing to relate to others, always trying to be centre of attention or just being bullies. Even as adults we long for attention, so can you imagine how a child feels when their parent doesn't have that time for them anymore??? 

I would advise parents to talk to their children alot more and know their child's level of sensitivity. When time with your child is taken away by work, social life, a partner or another child, make sure you walk them through it. Like I said, some adjust fine, and others need their hand held and walked through the change

THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IS THAT OF A CHILD AND THEIR PARENTS.  No other relationship on earth matters. If that relationship is not managed well, then nothing in the child's life will go well to be honest. When we watch movies or meet up with people and hear their stories, the main issue always revolves around their relationship with both parents or a parent. So the more time you spend with your child, the better they will be when they are older, don't you think?? 

Hopefully I will post next week straight after the show, fingers crossed

I hope you have a great week 

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Preparing Yourself and Your Child For Exams

It is exam time! This is the time where you see parents taking away privileges from their children to motivate them to study, or promising them treats and trips once the results come out if they pass. I have heard the craziest requests and promises and I just laugh. Being a parent makes you try anything and everything to get your child to do something. You just have to laugh!

So I am feeling the stress even though my child is still in primary. Im feeling pressure to make sure she remembers everything and I fear I am going to put pressure on her to read whenever she has free time! This is the problem with us perfectionist moms, we just want the best and thus push these poor children to be the best. With this show, I am also learning and also catching myself when I realise I am pushing my child for my own selfish needs and not embracing her for who she is and accepting her abilities.

What we all want is for our children to do the best they can and to be the best in their own abilities. Exams however make most of us panic and lose our minds and want to push our children. We forget our child's strengths and weaknesses and now expect them to just excel in it all...being a child at this time of the year is not fun I am sure...lol

So here are some points that I think could help; some of the points may be late for this year, but you can apply them next year:

1. Be calm as the parent. If you panic, your child will panic.

2. Understand your child's style of learning. I have a photographic memory, my sister has a logical way of learning, she has to understand processes and methods to understand. I have a friend who reads two days before an exam, otherwise she forgets if she reads any earlier. Others require pictures or practical examples to remember a concept. These are a few ways of how people learn, therefore to be effective, you need to know how your child learns and remembers.

3. Create a regular routine for your child to revise their work throughout the year. It all depends with your child's strengths and needs, but the idea is for your child to get used to a routine of revision, and this will reduce the pressure during  exam time to cram.

4. Do not make your child cram! It has no long term benefit

4. Try and include some of what they learn in their every day activities. For example, if they are learning about money, when you go to the store, you can make your child work out how much is needed and how much change they should expect. In the car you can have your child create a story with what she sees in the car or outside, this will stimulate their creative mind. You could also make them tell their siblings a bed time story that they create. Role play some of the subjects like history, or environmental science. Some subjects are practical and you can make your child remember by doing some practical work.

5. Do not revise the morning of the exam. Your child will just panic if they do not know the answer. Some children like to be tested the morning of the exam, and others cannot. Again it all depends on the child.

6. Rewarding for success can motivate or give the child a false idea of success. Your child may pass to just receive the reward, but will not have learnt anything. Push your child to understand the subject more than to win the reward.

It is never to early to get your child ready for exams. Exams in primary school may not be as serious, but making your children prepare for exams seriously, will prepare them for high school. ROUTINE!! ROUTINE!! ROUTINE!! It is important! I have to emphasise it again


I hope some of these points help. Make learning at home fun!

Wishing you all the best for you and your children this exam time!!

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

In This Day And Age Of Technology, Should A Parent Be A Child's Friend Or Discipinarian?

I believe being a parent in the 80s was so much easier than being a parent now. If you needed to communicate, it was via a landline or writing a letter.  ZTV would start at 330, and the shows were Sesame Street and Rainbow and Paddington Bear... I miss those shows actually. As a child, access to information was very limited. 

Being a parent of the 21st century is so hard. The TV shows, access to the internet, cellphones, emails, video games, there is just too much information available to our children 24 hours a day. No matter where you take your child, they are exposed to something. It could be the song  being played in a supermarket, or a music video being played in a store, or a video being played on someone's cellphone, or the activities at a birthday party.  No matter how much you try to protect your child at home, they will still be exposed to the world and its madness.

So what do you do? Do you allow your child to be exposed to it all and keep the relationship open, or do you protect them at all costs?

As we spoke about it on the show, I found myself struggling to answer the question. Do I walk with my child through all the madness of the world and let her explore and pray that she is open with me with everything she sees and hears? Or do I just protect her from everything and scare her if she explores the internet?

I think the following:

• You need a balance, you allow a child to explore, but be open with them and guide them. 
• You also have to be flexible to change. There are some things that I believe a parent needs to be strict and some situations where a parent needs to be flexible.  Parenting is always involving
• If you do not guide your child, someone else will. If you lie to your child, they will trust someone else to tell them.
• You need to set boundaries for your child to know what they can/cannot do. These boundaries help guide your child when they are away from you. Hopefully your child will know not to watch adut movies or sit and search certain sites on the internet. 

It is tough to control and protect what our children are exposed to, but it is important to be aware and alert as to what our children at all times. We just need to be on our toes all the time, and be our child's friend and protector.

It is tough being a parent of the 21st century, really tough.

I hope you all have  a great week!

Till Next Monday,

Stay Blessed!

#beingaparent

When Is The Right Age For Your Child To Start Dating?

If anything, this topic was the most hilarious for me, due to the reactions of so many mothers. They got emotional and started panicking at the thought, some nearly cried! hahahah..Is it because you started early or you KNOW what you did back then???? mmmmmm

Due to my years with the magazine, I have now learnt that parenting style are different for everyone and I respect that; what works for me, does not work for the next person. That is why I posed to the question to be more personal; what is it for YOUR child.

The nice thing about our show is that we can discuss views from being a parent of girls and being a parent of boys. It was interesting to see Patience get so emotional about her son introducing girls to her, or going for ice-cream with a girl! I thought only mothers of girls have such reactions. Clearly not!

When I thought about it, I considered some of these questions to be important when one makes their decision:

1. How mature is your child to understand the concept of dating?
2. How open are you with your child?
3. Do you know your child's friends? Are they 'forward'?
4. Would you start talking about boys before they are 13 or when they turn 13?
5. Would you want to meet your child's friends of the opposite sex?
6. Would you want to meet each and every girlfriend?
7. Would you allow your child to have their girlfriend/boyfriend over at your house?
8. Would you supervise dates?
9. What age would you talk about contraceptives and sex?
10. Is your fear  because you do not trust your child? What is the cause of your fear? 
11. Are you able to 'stomach' the openness of your relationship with your child? Do you really want to know EVERYTHING?


Those are the questions I thought of when I thought of my kids. I definitely do worry, but my fear is because I am not that street wise, so I cannot equip my children with all the possible scenarios that she could encounter when she starts dating, so it is fear of the unknown. Now with technology, I could miss ALOT in my child's life, but I hope she will be comfortable enough to talk to me about anything, and I hope I will be strong enough to sit and listen.  I know that I would struggle with #11, I thought of switching confidante roles with my sisters and friends, but I would still be as crazy in my reactions with their children. So I wish my kids good luck (lol)

Some of the answers we got were:
- NEVER (lol)
- When the child is 30
- When the child can pay his rent and look after his girlfriend should she fall pregnant
- When the child is 25

Well clearly the age is not anyone under 25, which is unrealistic (lol), so to our dear listeners and readers who are in denial, brace yourselves, your children are going to date much earlier than that age....so get your seat belts on and prepare for the ride!!

I would just like to know how our parents were so calm when we grew up? How did they not fret???


What a journey being a parent is in this world of technology!!

Till next Monday


Stay Blessed

#beingaparent