The Relationship Between Fathers and Their Daughters

The theory is that a little girl marries someone like her father, and that is because that is her first love. Her father is the first man to show her any form of affection, or to define what love is to her. A father's love is unconditional, incomparable and protective. The presence or absence of a father affects girls and their adult decisions in various ways. 

A friend of mine was listening to the show and sent me a message saying this is a very sensitive subject, and it definitely is. So many people assume a daughter needs their mother more especially in the earlier years of their life, which is not really true. A child needs both parents because she learns from both parents.

Why does a daughter need a father in her life?

- To show her love. A girl will see her worth and what she deserves based on how her father treats her. If the father is absent and spends very little time with their daughter, she will believe that is normal and that is what she deserves. If a father is involved in their daughter's life a lot, spends time with her and shows interest in the things she loves, she will expect the same from her partner. 

- To show a woman should be treated. The relationship between husband and wife also influences the views a daughter has of love.  If a father is abusive or hurtful toward his wife, a daughter will assume that is how love is shown and how they should expect to be treated.

- To boost her self confidence.  Our role as mothers is to encourage our children, and we do it so naturally, as we are nurturers. Our children expect us to attend every play, every sports match, every event and support them. No matter how much we try, we can never fill the role the father must play. It makes single parenting even more complicated because the father is not present, but is expected to be.  When fathers are present, and loving, their daughters develop a strong sense of self and are more confident in their abilities. 

- Improved social traits. A daughter who has a great relationship with her father is able to relate well with males as well as females in their lives. 

- Persistence trait. According to researcher Laura Padilla-Walker, "fathers who are most effective are those who listen to their children, have a close relationship, set appropriate rules, but also grant appropriate freedoms."  The older you get, the more approachable the mother is versus their father because of the rules set by the father. I was forced to stick to the my father's rules and be accountable for my actions.

Fathers are role models in so many ways, socially, emotionally, financially, academically and romantically.  The perception of men to a little is defined by her relationship with her father and is therefore very important.

May the fathers out there understand their role and take it very seriously. Whether married, separated, divorced or co-parenting, spend as much time as you can with your child and realise that the decisions she makes in her life are impacted by your actions

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Time out for Kids: Does it work?

It is interesting how parenting has evolved over the years. Growing up, a parent's facial expression would shut you up very quickly when you were being naughty, and now children are given 'time-out' or put in a 'naughty corner'. But does it really work?

So the purpose of time out is to stop the bad behavior, and it is more effective if the child understands why they are getting time out and that the behaviour/action should not be repeated. Some parents assume the child understands, which is why most of the time it does not have the desired effect on the child.


So how do you carry out effective time out?

1. It is important to explain what will happen should they continue with that behavior. The  onsequences should be made known beforehand

2. The time out area/chair should always be the same. It doesn't matter the age, if a child knows that spot/chair means trouble, they will take it more seriously. 

3. After you have warned them and they continue, you must immediately respond. Do not keep warning them and expect them to take you seriously. Warn them 3 times for example, and then take them to the naughty corner

4. State why they are getting time out. 'You are getting time out for throwing your whole meal on the floor'. By doing this, your child will understand what the time out is for and will ensure not to do it again. There is nothing worse than being given time out and not understand why, so make sure you state what it is for

5. If you have given your child time out before, you are guaranteed your child will know how to turn that boring activity into a creative one. If its playing with the floor, or counting the tiles, or following the crack on the wall, they will find something to do. So you need to ensure that the time out is not too long. It also depends with the age. Some suggest that up to 5 years its about 3 minutes, and up to ten years its 10minutes. The point is not to make it too long, nor too short for them to not think about what they have done. Use a timer so the child knows when their time is up, and they also avoid talking to you.

6. Once their time is up, ask them if they have understood why they were given time out and if they have understood that their behaviour was undesirable. 

Children are super clever, they learn to understand us more than we think they can, and hence get away with certain things. This makes parenting something different every single day, which makes it so exciting and crazy sometimes.

I hope this has helped someone today, and I hope it makes you even closer to being the best parent you can possibly be!

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent

Cyber Bullying Awareness

Social media has allowed people to say what they think and hide their identity. It has given people room to be cruel and not have to face the consequences face to face. It doesn't just happen to kids, but adults as well. I can create a fake account and say hurtful things on someone's facebook/Twitter/Instagram page. If an adult is hurt by it, what more a child?

I went onto a website call Stop Bullying, and I found this information, which I think is important to share and understand 

What is cyber bullying?
Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place over digital devices like cell phones, computers, and tablets. Cyberbullying can occur through SMS, Text, and apps, or online in social media, forums, or gaming where people can view, participate in, or share content. Cyberbullying includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else. It can include sharing personal or private information about someone else causing embarrassment or humiliation. Some cyberbullying crosses the line into unlawful or criminal behavior. 1

It is important to understand how children are cyberbullied so it can be easily recognized and action can be taken. Some of the most common cyberbullying tactics include:

• Posting comments or rumors about someone online that are mean, hurtful, or embarrassing.
• Threatening to hurt someone or telling them to kill themselves. 
• Posting a mean or hurtful picture or video. 
• Pretending to be someone else online in order to solicit or post personal or false information about someone else. 
• Posting mean or hateful names, comments, or content about any race, religion, ethnicity, or other personal characteristics online.
• Creating a mean or hurtful webpage about someone. 
• Doxing, an abbreviated form of the word documents, is a form of online harassment used to exact revenge and to threaten and destroy the privacy of individuals by making their personal information public, including addresses, social security, credit card and phone numbers, links to social media accounts, and other private data.2

Signs of cyberbullying vary, but may include:

• being emotionally upset during or after using the Internet or the phone
• being very secretive or protective of one's digital life
• withdrawal from family members, friends, and activities
• avoiding school or group gatherings
• slipping grades and "acting out" in anger at home
• changes in mood, behavior, sleep, or appetite
• wanting to stop using the computer or cellphone
• being nervous or jumpy when getting an instant message, text, or email
• avoiding discussions about computer or cellphone activities3

So how can you help as a parent?

• Reassure your child that it is not their fault
  
• Let the teacher know what is happening
• Block the bully. If you can have a calm discussion with the parent of the bully, then try contact them and see what can be done
• Know your child's passwords and accounts and any other online activity
• Limit the time they spend on their phone / tablet / laptop

What if your child is the bully?

Sometimes children become bullies as a cry for attention; they are going through something and are angry about it and do not know what to do. It could be a situation at home, frustrations at school, or something personal they are going through, or they are bullied at school and are now retaliating.

It is not easy to deal with or face. Some parents ignore out of disbelief, some lash out at the other parent, some attack the child for embarrassing them. 

It is important to speak calmly to your child, try and find out what is going on with them. Children are not born bad, circumstances or the environment makes them bad, so do not blame your child. Speak to experts to see how you can help your child get through whatever they are going through. 

The most important thing is NEVER IGNORE YOUR CHILD OR WHAT YOU ARE TOLD IS HAPPENING TO YOUR CHILD

Keep being attentive to your child and keep loving them

Till Next Monday

Stay Blessed

Tafi

#beingaparent



Sources: 
https://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbullying/what-is-it/index.html

http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/cyberbullying.html